Beautifully Broken
by IWishIWasAMermaid
Summary: OneShot. Based on Ashlee Simpson's Beautifully Broken.Keely's trying to work out who she is, after Phil has left.


**_It seems like yesterday that my world fell from the sky_**

Well it happened yesterday. The thing that I've been fearing for three years, finally happened. And to tell you the truth, as heartbreaking as it was, I've survived.

Okay, so I'm not great. In fact, there's a part of me that he took with him. A part of me that will never return. So I know I'm not whole. And I know I never will be.

But I think that I'll live.

I hope that I'll live.

When he broke the news to me, I broke down. It was like, my whole world crashed down around my feet. Because he was my whole world. And he always will be.

We spent one last, magical day together. Took the Skyak around the world. We'd been planning on doing that, and he said that he couldn't break the promise, even if he was moving far away.

It was amazing. We saw things that I would never have bargained on seeing. And being with him made it all the more amazing.

It's a shame amazing has it's limits.

I got something amazing in my life for a while. And I guess my turn was up. He had to go and make someone else's life perfect. Until he has to leave them.

Because you can't bottle perfection. It will always escape your grasp.

**_It seems like yesterday I didn't know how hard I could cry_**

I could have resigned myself to my room. In fact, after he had left, I did. I sat, and cried. Honestly, I didn't know how many tears I could cry until yesterday.

He once told me that you can only cry around 30 tears at a time. I remembered that, as I sat there, crying what had to have been my thousandth tear, and wished that I could tell him, just to be able to talk to him again. To prove him wrong.

We used to do that all the time. Prove each other wrong. We used to say the most ridiculous things and then try to find evidence to back it up. Like I said, that in another world, donkeys could fly. I used the film 'Shrek' as my evidence.

It was stupid stuff like that, which made me value him, more and more. He never used to complain about how insane I was. In fact, he encouraged it. And that's why I always took for granted the fact that he was here.

Don't we all take things for granted though? In life, everyone under-appreciates something.

I don't think I under-appreciated him. I missed him when he wasn't by my side. I felt like I was in heaven when he touched my hand, or smiled. I didn't under-appreciate him. I just never thought about what I would feel like when he was actually gone.

Because, lets face it, he was always going to go. We just pushed that fact to the back of our minds, hoping that if we forgot, so would the rest of the world.

**_It feels like tomorrow I may not get by_**

**_But I will try_**

**_I will try _**

_**Wipe the tears from my eyes**_

Nobody could even imagine how it feels to lose someone like that. Lose them, and know that you will never see them again. Never hear their voice again. Until it happens to you, you can never begin to feel like I do now. Because it's totally unimaginable.

One minute, I'll feel warm, remembering what we've done, and how we've acted. The next, all the life will drain out of me, and I'll feel cold, and so, so sad.

Mom says it'll get better. But I doubt it. No way. This is what the end of the world feels like, in my mind.

But I promised him that I'd at least try to rebuild what has fallen. That I'd put the books back on the bookshelf, and hope that they'd stay there. So I'm going to keep going. Or attempt to.  
**_  
I'm beautifully broken and I don't mind if you know it_**

**_I'm beautifully broken and I don't care if I show it_**

When I look in the mirror, I see me. Me like a beautiful person. The beautiful person that he always pointed out that I was when I felt ugly, or lonely. He would always brush my hair from my eyes, making electric shocks go up and down my body, and tell me that I shouldn't underestimate myself. That putting myself down, was never going to work. He said I had no reason to put myself down either. That I was perfection, just the way I was.

Now, I'm just broken. But I can see the beautiful person that he always saw. I can see it. And maybe I will never see her again, but I can see her now. I'm not as ugly as I usually feel. Beautifully broken. That's me.

**_Every day is a new day I'm reminded of my past_**

There will never be a day gone by that I won't think of him and wonder if it could have all turned out differently.

Well of course it could have. He needn't have left. If he hadn't, then it would all be different. We'd be outside, fishing or playing tennis. I wouldn't be in here, trying to pick up the pieces of my hopes and dreams that are scattered across the floor.

Of course it would all have been different if he had never left. We would probably both, still be in denial about how we feel about each other. We still were, up until the last second. Until he kissed me, neither of us admitted what we needed to admit. If he hadn't we probably wouldn't have. We'd have just said goodbye, and then have had to live the rest of our lives in regret. A haunting regret, that we knew we'd have never escaped.

**_Every time there's another storm I know that it wont last_**

**_Every moment I'm filled with hope, cause I get another chance_**

My mom still thinks that he can come back to us. She says that if he truly loves me, he'll return. I know otherwise. I know that he does truly love me. But I know that even if he wants to, he can't possibly return. It's not his fault that he was born in the wrong century. Or maybe it was me that was born in the wrong century. The wrong time.

In either case, if we'd been born at the same time, we would be together now.

But there's no second chances for me.

I've been thinking. About what I would have said and done differently if I had the chance. And the truth is, I wouldn't have done anything differently. Obviously our love wasn't meant to last, because if it was, then the world wouldn't be against us. And no matter how much we hate that, it has to happen.

I might never move on. He might never move on. But if we don't then it's not our problem. It's this cruel world that chose to place us in different centuries that is at fault.

You can't help who you fall in love with.

**_But I will try _**

_**I will try**_

_**Got nothing left to hide**_

I promised that I'd get on. That I'd move along with my life. But how will he know? How can he be sure that I've done it?

There's something inside me now, that's telling me to give up, and just lie down, and let what's inevitably going to happen, happen.

But I can't. I promised him, and I have to keep to that promise. The promise is the only thing keeping me going. And I hope he knows that. I hope he knows that if I hadn't promised, I'd be crying and wishing my life away.

And he can find out if I've lived my life how I promised to live it. He'll use the Giggle. I may not be as fortunate to be able to do that, but if he has the opportunity, he'd be crazy not to take it. I would look at how his life turned out. Even if he doesn't look at mine.

**_I'm beautifully broken and I don't mind if you know it_**

**_I'm beautifully broken and I don't care if I show it_**

He made up all of me. Without him, I don't think I'd be the person that I am now. I wouldn't be the person sitting here, wondering. I'd be the popular, mean girl, that everybody pretended to like, but they actually despised.

I'd be unhappy. And I know that I would be. Because the years that he spent with me, made me feel things that I had never experienced before.

Utter love.

Recklessness.

Admiration.

The ability to be free.

I could keep going on, and on, with a list that would never end. Because he has made me like this. He has made me, me.

**_Without the highs and the lows_**

**_Where will we go?_**

**_Where will we go?_**

Apparently life isn't perfect. And it will never be. If we lived in happiness all the time, we'd be boring.

And who wants to be boring?

He took me through these three years showing me that individuality is the key to your own destiny. And I want to honour that by showing him that I can live. And keep living.

_**I'm beautifully broken and I don't mind if you know it**_

_**I'm beautifully broken and I don't care if I show it**_

So, here's what I know about me:

My name is Keely Teslow.

I'm 16 years old.

I go to H.G Wells High School.

I want to be a broadcaster/reporter when I grow up.

I have been in love, but only once. And I will never be in love again.

I was in love with a boy called Phil Diffy. And always will be.

**_I am beautifully broken, _**

_**I am beautifully broken**_

_**I am beautifully broken and I don't care if I show it**_

**Something to keep you going until I come back from Disney…in Paris. Not exactly the most exciting of the Disney's, but it's still Disneyland, right?**


End file.
